Why do we act like happiness is something we have to earn?
For years, I believed joy was something you celebrated after the work was done. I was wrong.
Recently, I was telling a friend about all the things I had planned — the goals, the deadlines, the next big steps. She listened patiently as I rattled off my list, and then she hit me with a question that stopped me in my tracks:
“Are you making room for enjoyment while pursuing your goals?”
The answer? A resounding no.
For me, it had always been about achievement — head down, grind on, keep going. But was that it? My friend gently reminded me that achievement and enjoyment aren’t rivals. They’re partners.
The Milestone Collector
I used to sprint from goal to goal, from one achievement to the next — collecting milestones but never moments.
When I finally paused to think about it, the realisation was sobering: I couldn’t remember the last time I truly enjoyed the journey. My moments of joy were tied only to the instant I “made it”… and those moments were fleeting, because I was already off chasing the next thing.
The Messy Middle
When my friend asked that question, I was deep in the redesign of this blog, determined to meet a self-imposed deadline. But here’s the thing — it wasn’t the day I finished the project that felt most alive. It was somewhere in the messy middle.
At first, I struggled with tasks I’d done before without issue. It didn’t make sense… until I realised I’d been running on empty. So, I took a few days off work, put the to-do list aside, and just let myself be.
I had a board game day with a friend. I went to another friend’s dance recital. I soaked in the laughter, the creativity, the connection. And just like that, my energy and inspiration returned.
Choosing Joy on Purpose
That conversation made me realise — I need to intentionally weave enjoyment into my everyday life, not wait for the “big” moments.
Lately, that’s looked like keeping my Saturdays sacred for simple pleasures. Some weekends, I treat myself by cooking something I wouldn’t normally make — a little kitchen adventure just for me. Other times, I go exploring. This week, I plan to visit a flower patch. I’ve always loved flowers, and there’s something about standing among them that feels like pressing pause on the world.
Achievement without joy isn’t really success — it’s just exhaustion dressed up in a gold medal.
This dream I have is growing bigger every day, but so is my commitment to enjoy the life I’m living as I work toward it.
Joy isn’t a destination. It’s a travelling companion. And the middle? It matters just as much as the end.
Over to you:
How do you make space for joy while working toward your goals? Share your thoughts in the comments — I’d love to hear from you.
Thank you for reading, for reflecting, and for sharing.
Let’s effect the change we need by sharing our stories.
Koya Nkrumah 