Would You Stay If Your Partner Lied About a Whole Child?

African social media has been on fire these past few days — all thanks to a chaotic video involving a Nigerian couple and their deeply complicated family drama. The video sparked fierce debate online, dividing audiences around the world, and after reading countless comments from both sides, I just had to share my take. Because honestly? The hypocrisy that so many Africans operate under — especially when it comes to expressing emotions — is exhausting.

Why do we pretend that emotions are foreign to us? As if we can simply ignore them and they’ll disappear? This mindset is quietly destroying us. Emotions are real, layered, and deeply personal. Just because something doesn’t shake you to your core doesn’t mean someone else is overreacting. I’ve been on the receiving end of emotional dismissal, and let me tell you — it’s one of the most dehumanising experiences. I’ve learned to honour my emotions, and if someone repeatedly dismisses them, I have no issue showing them the door. My peace matters.

So, what exactly went down on social media? Let me break it down.

A man brought his “niece” from Nigeria to live with his family abroad. What the public didn’t see was the backstory, but what we did see was the aftermath: his wife kicking both him and the girl out of their home in an emotional, raw confrontation caught on video. She was hysterical, screaming, shaking — and for good reason. Turns out, the “niece” was actually her husband’s biological daughter, born outside the marriage. Instead of being honest, this man lied — and for some time, his wife unknowingly raised this child alongside her own.

Let’s pause right there.

This isn’t just a story about a lie — it’s a story about betrayal, manipulation, and the crushing emotional labour that women are expected to shoulder in silence. When I highlighted about lies in the Ghanaian community not long ago, I talked about how dishonesty is so normalised that truth feels optional. Integrity has become an endangered virtue. We’re told to “let things go” or “keep the peace” — but at what cost?

And this isn’t an isolated case. I remember a retired Ghanaian footballer who discovered that all four of the children he raised weren’t biologically his. The outrage was universal—as it should be. But when a woman is betrayed, the conversation shifts: “Why couldn’t she keep her cool?” Now, the internet is divided. Should the wife have “handled it better”? Should she have stayed calm, swallowed her betrayal, and… what? Thanked him for the deception?  

When it’s a man betrayed, we rally around him. But when a woman finds herself at the centre of deceit, suddenly she’s too emotional, too loud, too angry. She must have done something to deserve it. And if she dares express her pain? She’s labelled hysterical. Dramatic. Overreacting. Let me be very clear: this woman had every right to react the way she did. The man she trusted lied to her about his child. A whole human being. And not only did he lie, he roped in his family to cover it up, coaching the little girl to call him “uncle.” That poor girl was stripped of her identity and forced to live a lie under the same roof as her father. Do you know how psychologically damaging that is?

What’s worse? Instead of focusing on the deception, many people online have shifted the narrative. Suddenly, it’s a conversation about whether wives should tolerate secrets. About how men are “naturally polygamous.” About how women must hold the home together at all costs. Excuse me?

We need to stop deflecting and start reflecting.

Why do so many people (and their families) feel entitled to lie? Why is the burden of forgiveness mostly placed on women? Why do we praise emotional suppression and punish emotional honesty — especially in women?

When a woman loses her sense of reality due to betrayal, don’t expect her to smile through it. She’s not a unicorn that poops glitter when you feed her nonsense. Her pain is valid. Her reaction is hers to own. And she doesn’t owe anyone an apology for how she expresses it. I’ve started asking people this: What exactly do you fear my anger will do to you? Because when people try to weaponise your emotions against you, what they’re really saying is “you’re not allowed to feel.”

But here’s the thing — feelings don’t disappear when you ignore them. They fester. According to Dr. Gabor Maté, suppressing emotions weakens your immune system. Maybe that explains why so many women — especially Black women — carry chronic illnesses. We’ve been taught to carry pain silently, with grace. But enough is enough.

Back to the video — yes, it was chaotic. But imagine discovering that a child you’ve been raising isn’t your niece but your husband’s daughter? Imagine the betrayal. The confusion. The pain. It’s unbearable. And while we’re all forming opinions online, I just hope this woman finds healing. Her children, too. And the girl caught in this web of deceit — I hope she understands that none of this is her fault.

As for the man, and his co-conspirators? I hope they sit with the consequences of their choices. They’ve not only broken trust — they’ve scarred an entire family.

We, as a people, need to do better. We need to stop expecting grace for our wrongdoings and start cultivating integrity. We need to understand that lying — especially when it alters someone else’s life decisions — is not just “a mistake.” It’s cruelty.

And if this story has taught us anything, it’s this: most of today’s African women are not their grandmothers. She will not be silenced. She will not stay for the sake of appearances. She will speak, cry, rage — and walk away if she must.

We normalise lies in our communities—from “small” fibs to life-altering secrets—then act shocked when the fallout isn’t tidy. But lies have consequences. And no, the burden shouldn’t fall on the betrayed to “behave.”  

The real victims here are the wife, who had been living a lie.  The children, whose family just imploded. And the little girl, stripped of her identity and forced to play a role in her father’s charade.  Where was her mother? And let’s not ignore how African households often treat “outside” children. The layers of cruelty here often run deep (a topic for another day).   

We can’t keep excusing deceit, then shaming people for how they react to it. Accountability isn’t optional—it’s the bare minimum. This generation of women aren’t here to suffer in silence. If you lie, don’t expect grace. If you betray, don’t demand patience.  That woman had every right to scream, cry, or burn the house down (metaphorically, of course). Her pain isn’t up for debate.  

What’s really up for debate is why we enable liars, why we police women’s anger but coddle men’s egos and when we will stop sacrificing honesty for “peace” that only benefits the guilty.

I hope she heals. I hope the children heal. And I hope that man—and every person who watched what unfolded online —learns this lesson: The truth always comes out. 

These are my thoughts, however, what do you think? Should she have “acted better,” or was her rage justified? Drop your thoughts below in the comments. 

Thank you for reading, liking, sharing, and engaging. Let’s continue to use our experiences to effect the change we desperately need.