You Are Not Late: Redefining Milestones on My Own Terms

By 28, I was “supposed” to be married with 2.5 children, a family home, a dog, and a fulfilling career.

But those were never my dreams. I wasn’t the little girl planning a wedding in her head. My parents and guardians had their blueprint, and they repeated it so often that I stopped myself from dreaming differently. Still, I knew my vision of life didn’t look like theirs—though many would say it was “weird.”

Looking back, if I could give those years a title, it would be “The Great Contradiction.”

The Weight of Expectations

Societal milestones pressed in from every side—family, church, weddings, even Hollywood films that romanticised the same script. I couldn’t escape it.

As I approached my 28th birthday, I admitted something I had long avoided: by society’s standards, I was “late.” But I also knew I wasn’t ready—and truthfully, I didn’t even want those things at that time.

My non-African circles were subtle about it, easy to tune out. But in African communities? The pressure was loud. People treated me like a tragic case needing advice, prayers, and divine intervention. I was constantly on someone’s prayer list.

Verses were quoted at me: “God sets the lonely in families” (so, apparently, I was lonely), and of course, Esther—because I needed “favour” to attract a husband. According to them, I simply wasn’t favoured.

Looking back, it wasn’t about my wellbeing. It was about moulding me into what they had also been moulded into.

The Policing of My Choices

The pressure didn’t stop at marriage. It extended to how I expressed myself. I couldn’t wear my beaded anklets—ancestral adornments suddenly demonised as “blocking” me from marriage and motherhood.

And then there were milestones I was expected to attend: endless weddings, baby showers, birthdays. I sold half my wardrobe on Vinted recently—most of those dresses were bought just to show up at someone else’s milestone.

The truth? I often didn’t want to go. Not because I didn’t care, but because my milestones looked different—and because I was tired of paying for other people’s versions of success while mine were dismissed.

A Turning Point

I’ll never forget 6th September 2020, the day I pressed publish on this blog for the first time.

A year later, a friend threw me a small celebration for my one-year blogging anniversary. What she didn’t know was that she changed my outlook completely.

Holding the plaque and banner she’d designed for me, I realised: my blog was worth celebrating. I was worth celebrating. That night taught me I didn’t have to wait for society’s approval to mark my milestones.

From then on, I decided:

• Showing up here every week is worth celebrating.

• Learning to say no is worth celebrating.

• Becoming unapologetically myself is worth celebrating.

Redefining What Matters

Recently, over lunch, a friend shared life-changing news. I sat close to tears, genuinely happy for her. That moment reinforced what I already knew: milestones aren’t universal. They’re personal.

But for many African women, not ticking off marriage, children, graduation, or the “dream job” can mean disrespect or even alienation. And the irony? While being judged, we’re still expected to contribute money, time, and energy to others’ milestones.

I’ve decided: if my life choices aren’t respected, neither is my time or money.

Imagine if society celebrated people simply for living authentically. For showing up for themselves. For refusing to shrink into someone else’s timeline.

You Are Not Late

If you feel “behind,” I want to remind you: you are not.

It isn’t always easy to reject the checklist, but freedom begins when you stop deferring your life until marriage, children, or the perfect job—and start choosing yourself.

Today, as I celebrate five years of this blog, I want to flip the script. Instead of just celebrating myself, I want to give back. I’ve created a free ebook filled with guided journaling prompts and affirmations to help you choose yourself too.

Let’s Talk

What milestones have you inherited, and which ones do you truly own?

I’d love to hear from you—share in the comments or reach out directly.

Thank you for showing up in my little corner of the internet these past five years. I’m grateful for this community and excited to keep growing with you.

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✨ Download your free ebook here.