“She has nobody”

These were the words I heard from my brother when I had already said no to my sister. 

I changed my mind and plans to accommodate everyone again – because I love them.

Became the babysitter again – the children love me and I do love them so much.

So last week, when I came across a video where a woman asked the question “when does the village also get a village?”

I felt it.

You’ve heard it takes a village – you’ve probably heard it mostly from people who have children – usually aimed at the people without. Here’s what no one says out loud: the village mostly runs one way.

And you have been the village.

Childfree, single and childless women are treated as village infrastructure – expected to hold, fund, babysit and show up. 

There seems to be an unspoken assumption that a woman without children has no life to put on hold. The entitlement is invisible until you’re years deep in it.

Only you know the cost: your time, money, softness – spent holding lives other people chose, while your own life waits.

And like me, you do it all because you genuinely love the people you have been supporting. The same love you keep pouring into them but never get the same back.

I know you stepped into this role without expecting anything back – you do it out of love.

Because you truly believe that it takes a village – and that part is true.

However, the lie is in who gets counted as a villager versus who gets counted as a resource.

You are not the village’s scaffolding.

You are a resident – and entitled to be held too.

The honest truth is, a village that only receives from you is not a village – it’s an extraction.

And you, like many of us, have learned that love means sacrifice – even abandoning yourself. But it does not have to be like that – because you deserve to be held too.

If you find yourself agreeing that the village also needs a village and that it is a two way street – then perhaps it’s time to look honestly at who is in your village.

So this week, make a quiet list: who in your village would notice if you stopped showing up? Not who would miss what you do but who would actually miss you? 

Don’t act on it. 

Just see it.

You deserve to be a resident of the village too.

To be seen.

To be heard.

And to be held in softness.

I write about this every Sunday — the free prompts are where you start unpacking your own village – Choosing Yourself: A Guide to Growth and Healing