We often grow up calling pain “discipline” and fear “respect.” But what happens when humiliation becomes the language of love — and we carry that into adulthood? I wrote about a story that stayed with me for years, and what it revealed about how abuse shapes what we tolerate. Change begins when we name what shaped us
What Childhood Friendships Taught Me About Adult Boundaries!
A reflective essay on friendship, attachment, and self-betrayal — and what it means to choose connection without losing yourself.
The Discomfort of Becoming: Why Outgrowing Yourself is Necessary.
I used to mistake the discomfort of growth for losing myself. But I realized: I wasn’t losing who I was—I was shedding what I had outgrown. If your cocoon no longer fits, this reflection is for you.
Aim at Nothing, You Hit Nothing: Why Alignment Matters More Than Goals
A single line from a film stopped me in my tracks: “Aim at nothing, and you hit nothing.” Not because it was profound — but because I finally understood what it wasn’t talking about. This reflection explores why aiming inward matters more than New Year goals.
Choosing Joy on My Own Terms
For the first time, I didn’t feel like I was on the outside looking in. This Christmas, I didn’t perform joy or tradition — I chose to be present. What I found was a quieter, gentler kind of joy that met me exactly where I was.
When the Year Ends, Capacity Matters More Than Productivity
As the year draws to a close, I find myself thinking less about achievements and more about capacity. About how much this year has asked of us — emotionally, mentally, quietly. Life doesn’t always slow down just because the calendar says it should, and many of us arrive at Christmas more tired than festive. This … Continue reading When the Year Ends, Capacity Matters More Than Productivity
When Family, Forgiveness, and Christmas Ask Too Much
A reflection on no contact, protection, and choosing peace As Christmas approaches, I’ve been thinking about family — and about the expectations that quietly come with this season. I recently came across a clip online where the topic of adult children choosing to go no contact with their parents was being discussed. The responses were … Continue reading When Family, Forgiveness, and Christmas Ask Too Much
Accountability to Whom? Rethinking Why We Police Women’s Choices
In the past few years, I’ve noticed a growing chorus — online, in conversations, even in women’s spaces — repeating the same question: “But how do we hold women accountable? It appears every time a woman’s personal decision enters public discussion. And the more I hear it, the more I find myself questioning what people … Continue reading Accountability to Whom? Rethinking Why We Police Women’s Choices
We Fight Systems, Not Sisters
Here’s something I never thought I would say out loud: Some of the loudest “feminist spaces” online today feel less like community… and more like competition. Competition for who is the “better feminist.” Competition for whose anger is the most justified. Competition for who can shout the loudest, drag the hardest, correct the quickest. Somewhere … Continue reading We Fight Systems, Not Sisters
The Cost of Being a Black Woman Who Speaks Up
What Is It About My Anger That You Are Afraid Of? My anger lives in my throat. Not because I don’t have words — trust me, I do — but because I have learned what it costs to use them. There are things I wanted to say, things I should have said, moments where my … Continue reading The Cost of Being a Black Woman Who Speaks Up
Koya Nkrumah 